Monday, April 6, 2009


Over the years I have tried just about every cessation program on the market,
including hypnotism. I normally lasted one day and was back to smoking even
more than before. I tend to sabotage myself; I know this. I know how weak
willed I must sound. But for those of you who have never experienced true
addiction, you will never understand this problem. Yes, smoking is indeed
a crutch I use to escape unpleasantness and yes, I should be able to cope
better than I have done so far. My addiction is a bit harder in that not only
is it a physical addiction, it is also a psychological one. When your addiction
is manifold, you have trouble!

Disgusted with my lack of will-power, I have once again determined that
I SHALL STOP SMOKING. Not only has the price of tobacco soared with new taxes
being imposed every other day and I am spending money I do not need to spend on
purchasing cigarettes, but I am actually just tired of everything involved with
my "habit".

Health and money, you'd think that would be enough incentive to quit cold turkey,
wouldn't you? Don't believe it, never happens, crutches no matter what form they
take are very difficult to give up easily.

I have sabotaged myself twice with the Chantix starter packs. I have enough of
the tablets to begin again by breaking them in half and following the original
instructions. I am now on day six, and I have not gone and purchased any cigarettes,
so far, anyway. No, that sounds rather defeatist and I am determined I shall win my
battle this time. Although you are allowed to smoke while on the Chantix, I know if
I go purchase even one pack, I shall not stop until I smoked every one of them.

I don't need to be reminded of the dire consequence of smoking either. I watched
my Dad die from COPD; his lungs had completely solidified. Addictions are like that.
One can know what horrors are entailed and still be unable to stop.

I don't want anyone ASKING me if I've smoked a cigarette today, either. For some
reason that just pisses me off and makes me want to light one up! So, this blog
is really just a statement of my desire for cessation of my addiction. Now, if anyone just cares to leave me big HUGS, without further comment, that I would greatly
appreciate and will know what the hug really means; SILENT ENCOURAGEMENT.

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