Sunday, October 10, 2010

Where was Harry?


Comments made by 16 Police Officers taken from actual police car videos around the country At least none said "make my day"




The comments were:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
(MY FAVORITE)

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours.
So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."

Sunday, September 19, 2010

HAPPY PIRATES DAY, MATEY!

I believe a bit of piracy must lurk beneath all our surfaces...

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

What Origami Animal Are You?




You Are a Crane



You are smart and focused. You love to take on responsibilities and challenges.

You are loyal and devoted to those you love - and you'll do about anything to protect them.



You need to be able to concentrate fully in order to get things done. You aren't great at multitasking.

You have amazing endurance. Once you get started on something difficult, you'll finish it no matter what.


Sunday, August 22, 2010

DOG DAYS OF AUGUST



AN INTERESTING FACT ABOUT AUGUST 2010. DID YOU NOTICE?

This August has 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays, 5 Tuesdays, all in one month.
It happens only once in 823 years.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

REMEMBER ABBOTT AND COSTELLO?








You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:


COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT:

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?


ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.


COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?


COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.


COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.


COSTELLO: You recommended something?


ABBOTT: Yes.


COSTELLO: For my office?


ABBOTT: Yes.


COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.


COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.


COSTELLO: What word?


ABBOTT: Word in Office.


COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?


ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?


ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.


COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.


COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?


ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.


COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?


ABBOTT: One copy.


COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! (A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'................

Friday, April 23, 2010

For Laughter ONLY......


Let's hope this happens to all of us!
98 and no enemies - human interest story

All women should live so long as to be this kind of lady!

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

Eighty percent held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question.. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight," she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

"Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said,

"I outlived the bitches."

Saturday, January 9, 2010